The woman does not want to leave her partner, but she feels humiliated.
Much is said about the fact that men feel feared of marrying. For them it means not only restricting freedom, but also the prospect of spending one’s whole life with one woman. Even if they love their partner, they have some concerns. Some of them result from experience, and in others because of a lack of conviction, is this girl really. It is easier to leave your partner if the relationship is non-obligatory than to divorce.
Patricia has been a fiancée for ten years. She wonders if her case could soon be described in the Guinness Book of Records in the category of “the longest engagement of the 21st century”. The woman slowly loses hope that one day she will stand on a wedding carpet. The day she wrote me an email, she had the tenth anniversary of her engagement. Patricia reveals that she should have been a wife for eight years. What happened that is not yet it?
I remember how many years ago I laughed at girls who complained about their guys because they did not want to propose to them. I thought about them with a slight contempt that they let themselves be treated like this. I was in their imagination in their place and I was sure that I would give up such undecided partners. I myself proudly wore an engagement ring on my finger, for which my fiancé issued three of his payouts. That made me even more proud. My parents also boasted to relatives, friends and neighbors that in one year I made a diploma, I found a good job and I got engaged in addition. I felt like I won the lottery ticket. Now I know that happiness has turned away from me. I am 34 years old and I will either be an old maid or a mocked eternal fiancée. I do not believe that it just happened to me…
Patricia talks about her fiancé.
We met in college. We studied at the same university. After two years of walking with me, I got a dream ring. We set the wedding date in two years. At the beginning, all the preparations went smoothly. There was money for the wedding, love between me and Peter and willingness to work. A problem with the wedding hall turned out to be a harbinger of problems. We were exposed to the wind by the owner.
Someone from her family was also supposed to get married on the same day, so she apologized to us and said that the family was more important. She gave us a down payment and said goodbye. I just could not believe that such people exist. She did this to us eight months before the wedding. We were unable to find the right accommodation at the same time. They were only free in two years. We set the wedding for July, and we know how it is then. So we translated the ceremony.
After some time Peter got a proposal for a foreign contract for three years. Because it was a unique opportunity to make money, the couple decided to leave. They have translated the wedding once again.
I did not really want to, but Peter pressed. I did it for him. We lived together for three years. Then Unfortunately, Peter was not so eager to legalize our relationship. When I started this topic, he was nervous. He said we have time and we live well as it is.
That was the truth. It was good between us. Despite everything, I wanted to be a wife, not a concubine. Also my parents were dissatisfied with this state of affairs. I decided to wait a bit and give Peter time to think about it. I suspected that maybe he was upset by the troubles that appeared in his company.
Finally, the man promised to set another wedding date. It was again set two years forward, although Patricia was ready to stand in front of the altar in a simple dress and give up the wedding.
There was no question about it. Peter said that since we are getting married, we will do it properly. With a wedding and a pump! Of course, the wedding and the wedding did not happen. Peter changed his mind three months before the set date. You had to cancel everything. Both my parents and his were furious. Peter said that he must rethink our relationship.
This uncertain situation continues until now. Recently, Peter declared that he did not want to marry at the moment, but at the same time he remarked that he loved me and did not withdraw from his engagement. He said that maybe someday we will legalize our relationship. To my objections that I would like to have children, he replied that nothing stands in the way. I would prefer everything to happen in the right order, i.e. first a wedding, then a child, but it will not work with Peter. Anyway, it is not known whether I will stand on the carpet.
I realize that Peter is not fair to me. He’d been deceiving me for the last few years, although if it was not for the wedding room eight years ago, I would probably be his wife. However, I must admit that we do not argue often, show respect and love like friends. I cannot imagine my life without Peter.
Patricia mentions one more disadvantage of her situation –humiliation.
“What is between us does not reward me for the humiliation I have to endure. I do not feel it so much on a daily basis, but when I come back to my home and meet old friends, it’s not easy. People ask me what’s new and I do not know what to say. Nothing moved forward. I and Peter have good jobs, we spend free time together, but the romantic spark has long since expired. We are like old, well-getting married but at the same time bored with each other. Legalized! At the same time, my friends got families, they gave birth to children and they also get well financially.
Generally, my situation is not interesting. I live in Peter’s apartment. I have nothing of my own, although I put aside some money. We spend most of the day at work. We sleep for a long time on the weekends and then watch the series, together or separately. And that’s how it looks … I’m afraid I will never be married to Peter. Our engagement is being passed. The only honorable thing for me would be to breakup with him, and I really do not want to do it. For now, it seems unthinkable to me.
Patricia finally asks what you would do in her place.